Yes I know how to read!

Today I was at a school working and overheard two boys talking and one of the boys was being not so nice and making fun of his buddy for not knowing what something said and the other boy yelled at him and said "yes I know how to read". For whatever reason this triggered all the memories for me of learning how to read that was made even more strange because it was the women who took the time to teach me how to reads birthday. To be completely honest with you i had forgot today was my Grandmothers Birthday until i was listing to these little boys talk.

One summer when my family made the trip back to the hills of West Va. my Grandmother being the teacher she was decided she would help my mom out and teach her dyslexic granddaughter how to read. She bought two books for me Double Decker bus and one about a little girl picking fruit. I only remember the bus book because it was the first book i ever read. By giving me the gift of reading my grandmother gave me a world i would have never known if not for her. I have solved crimes with Nancy drew, scared myself silly with R.L. Stine, talked to god with Margret, lived a life of privilege with Tori Spelling, had adventures with the 4 March girls in little women, been invited to the extravagant party's of Jay Gatsby, and most recently lived the life of a back woods bar maid with Sookie Stackhouse in Charlaine Harris series.


So thanks Grandma you changed my life and gave me adventure even if the books i read are not always intellectual i am always entertained and i believe that's what books are meant to do.

Do you ever think to yourself my kid is a bit odd?

people always think it is so cute and funny when kids do and say crazy things. I am not saying it's not but some times the things my daughter dose are down right odd. we love her and laugh with her most of the time. These are a few of my favorites over the past few weeks.

1. The other day Bailey took off her pants and put markers and paint on her butt. I asked her why and did not get an answer. (i hope she dose not get bunch of tattoos as an adult)

2. question from Bailey......
how dose the little mermaid go potty?

3. Bailey will get into a particularly odd mood and lick peoples clothing.

4. when she defecates Bailey talk to herself and says....
"I'm pushing the poop"
"I'm pushing the poop out of my butt"
"i did it"

5. I want to smell the dogs butt when he poops
(why is all i can say)

It is hard to make parenting glamor filled some times when you talk about body functions 75% of the time. But you can still have your Gucci bag and Jimmy Choo shoes and talk about poop and look fab doing it all.

Life Lessons

Miss Bailey has had to learn some life lessons as of late and Mr. Real Estate and I hope we have started to impart some wisdom on her. We are keeping our fingers crossed that we have not screwed her up to much. This is Bailey's top 6 life lessons as of late.

1. why can't i play Tennis in heels

ME:who said you can't?

MRE: Because it is impractical to run. If you want to be a tennis star like Dora you need to have on tennis shoes.

2. I want to go potty outside

MRE: go for it........

Me: Laddies don't us the restroom outside.... If you are not a lady you can't have tea party's or dress like a princes.

3.can i be naked

ME/MRE: If you want but you might get cold, chapped, burnt, hurt, not allowed in public and a number of other reasons.

4.why do i need to wash my hair

Me: Because if you don't other kids will not play with you because you are smelly.

5. Can we save the worms on the driveway

ME: yes it's good for your karma whatever you put out will come back.

6. Why am I in Time out

MRE and ME: Because when i ask you to do something or to stop doing something it is not a request.


we shall see if any of our wisdom sticks or even if it is good wisdom to pass on.

Reverse polygamy

The other day I read an article about some crazy women that had 3 husbands! I thought to myself why would any women want three husbands? Then it struck me i would want 6 husbands if 5 of them could be gay! I would sill want to be married to Brian so he could be husband number one. Husband number two would be a hair dresser/makeup/stylist. Husband number 3 would be into literature, arts and theater. Husband number four would be a trainer and health nut a chef. Husband number 5 would would be great with kids and write children's books. Last but not least Husband number six would be on E news and know all the great gossip before they hit the weekly's.

So yes I could have more then one husband if the rest were gay fabulous men! To me the point of polygamy is so one person can get every thing they need in life this is the only way i could get it all in that life style.

Why men should not potty train!

My husband told my daughter she could poop outside like the dogs and now she will go to the door when she has to go like a dog! Nice Mr. Real Estate! I will let you deal with this one.... I don't even know what to say? Maybe i will try laddies don't poop outside.

Potty Training 101 Monette Style

Mr. Real Estate and I have been working with Bailey and this potty thing for a long time now! In fact we had her 90% potty trained about 8 months ago until she decided the potty was not for her. We have come to find out this is all because she dose not like the way pull-ups feel. If she had only been able to let us know that 8 months ago we would have been done by now. This is what we have done to get her on the pot for good it is some what outside of the box but I think that my toddler is somewhat outside the box.

- Mr.Real Estate gives her the choice to go in the potty or outside like the dogs! Some times she dose go outside but never when I am home.

- We went full time in panties that she picked out. Because she hates cloths so much that is all she has on most of the time.

- The sticker chart so she can get her big prize!

- Looking at pictuers on dipper boxes and how they only have babys pictuers.

- bribes, bribes, and more bribes!

- Air planes don't let you on them with dippers so no more trips

- upgragde to difrent toe nail colors as you put more in the pot! If you get to sea foam green you are on the highest level

- We went to the Potty Dance at the MOA she thought it was wonderful


They may not all be outside of the box but they seem to work.

Trailer: The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia — Feature Narrat...

I want to say that over my mom's Boob job weekend I made her sit down and take in this documentary that is about a family in Boone county West Virginia. My Mom grew up about an hour and a half away from Boone county so I thought she may have some interest in this group. Apparently she was not as impressed as I was about just how trashy white trash can be because she felt bad for them. It must be the social worker left in her after all these years. She also pointed out how she never even met people like that when she lived in West Va. The best quote from my mom was " it sounds like he is proud to have brine damage from sniffing gas" My Grandma must have sheltered her to much!